The Pre-Dooce File

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Robin Williams and the mysterious floating sign

By M Davies   /     Oct 04, 2006  /     The Pre-Dooce File  /     0 Comment

Fellow Wilkes-Barrians…. Did anyone see that airplane flying around the valley yesterday afternoon around 2-4pm?  It had some kind of message or banner hanging from the back of it.  I seen it several times and looked to see what it said, but it was way too high up to read.  I think there was a segment on WNEP about it yesterday, but I missed it and they didn't post the article to the website.  I don't know if anyone could see the banner, I thought banner guys were supposed to be flying lower than that.

Anywho… I got about 3 hours of sleep last night because I didn't feel good and I couldn't fall asleep.  Finally around 3am I gave up and took 2 tylenol pm.  That must have knocked my ass out because I can't remember anything after that.  Around 2am I was watching crapcess hollywood, mind you, not by choice, but because nothing else was on except infomercials.  Quite honestly I couldn't careless who Angelina Jolie is fucking this week.  Anyway, a girl was interviewing Robin Williams and he would make a stupid joke every time the girl tried to ask another question.  It was so obnoxious and irritating.  I wish I could have changed places with her for a nanosecond so I could put him in his place.  Yeah, Robin.  We get it.  You're funny.  Move on. This post was more funnier in my head at 2am.  Blah.  I need sleep.

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Wrong Number

By M Davies   /     Oct 04, 2006  /     The Pre-Dooce File  /     0 Comment

I have been getting really weird phone calls at home lately.  It started a few weeks ago when I noticed a Williamsport # come up on my caller id.  I figured I'd answer the phone because it may have been one of Rich's friends.  It wasn't….  It was the Williamsport Gazette calling in regards to my home telephone number that they seen on some billboard advertising for some business.  I really do not understand how my number could be up on a Billboard in Williamsport as it's a Wilkes-Barre number, but I'm thinking alright whatever I'll go with it.  I told him he called my house in Wilkes-Barre, and not whatever business he was looking for in Williamsport. The guy just would not believe me and get the hell off of the phone.  I insisted to the guy that I've had the number for about 6 years now, and he was like "Um, ok" as if he did not believe me.  Whatever, why would I lie about how long I've had my telephone number for?  I kind of put this out of my mind as one isolated incident.  Maybe he wrote the phone number down wrong.  Very possible.  Yesterday, some woman called like 3 times within a 5 minute period from another Williamsport 323 number.  She was asking me if it was so and so studio.  I told her no, that this was Michelle Davies and she was calling Wilkes-Barre, not Williamsport.  She seemed confused and hung up. So if anyone in Williamsport is reading this, please email me, I want to find out if anyone knows what the name of this studio is that is advertising the wrong telephone number.  I possibly thought that maybe it was the same number as mine but with a 717 area code, but apparently all of Williamsport and the outskirts are the 570 area code so that blows that theory out of the water.  What kind of studio is this anyway?  I hope its not a number for a strip club or something.

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mASS appeal

By M Davies   /     Oct 01, 2006  /     The Pre-Dooce File  /     0 Comment

I pulling out of the Wegman's parking lot going down toward Coal Street and seen a billboard for Keystone Light Beer.  It said "Fill it up with premium (its a diesel)" and it had a picture of a Keystone Light Can on there.  I guess I'm failing to make the connection with this piece of marketing/advertising. Diesel = loud and smell engines If loud and smelly guys drink Keystone Light Beer than I sure as hell am not buying it.  Why support that cause?

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Soliciting advice (again)

By M Davies   /     Sep 23, 2006  /     Mommyhood, The Pre-Dooce File  /     1 Comment

This one goes out to all parents of toddlers everywhere (well at least whoever reads my blog anyway)…. HOW IN THE HELL DO YOU START POTTY TRAINING?  The reason why I am asking is because my daughter is driving me crazy.  Rewind the clock to roughly a week ago.  My car was in the shop getting fixed so therefore we were all stranded at home on a rainy day.  Gabby usually is up by 7:30 to go to daycare.  Since I knew none of us were going anywhere I decided that I could sleep in for an hour or 2 at the most.  Around 8:30 I woke up and went up for a shower.  By the time I got dressed and went into her room it was about 9am.  So to recap only an hour and a half later than what I normally wake her up.  When I opened the door to her room I nearly vomited.  She was covered from head to toe in poop.  I'm really not exaggerating either.  Imagine if you will poop all over her hands, arms, legs, feet, under her finger nails, hair, around her mouth (WTF???? I hope to god she did not eat shit)….I nearly died.  I actually walked out of the room and went into Owen's room.  I had to take a moment.  I hoped that I really didn't see what I just saw, but when I went back in her room, reality was staring me in the face.  I picked her up and plopped her right in the tub, clothes and diaper still on.  I did not care at that point.  I scrubbed her down until all of it was off her.  The water was BROWN.  I emptied the tub and refilled it and made her sit in it for about a half hour.  Quite honestly I don't even think that was long enough, but since bleaching her skin was out of the question…it would have to do.  My next move was to strip her bed down, I used a combination of Oust, Lysol, 409 and the vacuum to get everything cleaned up and smelling semi normal (although you could still faintly smell the poop).  I put clean sheets on and everything was back to normal within a few hours.  Now she has taken off her diaper before and peed on her sheets and it wasn't any big deal.  Pee is MUCH easier to clean up then poop.  As a matter of fact, she did that yesterday (take off her diaper and pee over everything).  Now again today we had the poop incident.  It wasn't as bad as last week, but it was still EXTREMELY DISGUSTING AND NAUSEATING.  A little voice in the back of my head keeps telling me it is time to start potty training her.  She seems to be giving off all of the right signals that she is ready, but I really don't know if I have any patience left in my body for this.  I haven't had a decent night of sleep since way before I was pregnant, and Gabby just does not listen to me.  This does not make for a good combination. So you can imagine my desperation.  Please somebody…anybody….tell me how you got your kiddos potty trained.  I need to know what works.  Bribery?  Extortion?  I'm willing to try anything to avoid another surprise morning poop incident.

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The million dollar pizza

By M Davies   /     Sep 17, 2006  /     NEPA, The Pre-Dooce File  /     0 Comment

About a month ago there was a pizza place near my house that burned down (Milestone Pizza).  The circumstances around the fire were very suspicious….a week before the fire all of the tenants from the apartments above the restaurant moved out.  The day before the fire the pizza place lost its licquor licence.  Yeah, I'd say that's more than a little coincidental.  Here's a link to the article on WNEP.com (pops in a new window)  Clearly the fire was ruled arson.  Big surprise there.  The owners probably torched it for the insurance money or something.  This is becoming somewhat of a normal practice here in NEPA. Anyway, before this was "Milestone Pizza" it was a number of other names.  The business changed owners several times.  My family literally lived 5 seconds away from here, it was within walking distance so we were exposed to the changes.  A few years ago my parents, Rich and I were having a debate as to which pizza in Wilkes-Barre was the best.  For some reason, that pizza place came up (which at one time was named CJ's).  My Dad made a comment about it selling "The million dollar pizza".  We had no idea what this was.  The rumor was that supposedly if you ordered "the million dollar pizza" they would deliver a pizza with a bag of drugs stashed inside of it.  I don't know how true this is, but it goes to show you how reputable all of the owners were.  Pillars of society, I tell you.  I'm glad to see this place burned down.  If the million dollar pizza is any indicator the place was probably full of trouble.  Mr. Drug Picketer would be proud.

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