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The (mis)adventures of Flat Stanley

By M Davies   /     Feb 25, 2012  /     Hilarity  /     6 Comments

My daughter brought home a project for school last week called "Flat Stanley".  She was given a 5 inch 2d laminated paper man and was to take her picture with him in various places and chronicle her adventures in a journal.  It looks like several of the other students in her class already had completed the project by flipping through the book.  Flat Stanley had been ice skating, at a chicken farm and in the baby ward of a local hospital before he got here.  Before I go any further, here's a picture of Flat Stanley:

My first impression of him was favorable, however, I was a little puzzled by his fashion choices.  I mean stripes and polka dots?  That's a big fashion no-no.  At least he wasn't wearing socks with sandals.

The first morning that Flat Stanley was with us, it was clear that he was not a good influence on young children. How do I know this?  Well, lets just say I found out the hard way that Flat Stanley was a player.  He was seen macking on Kim Karsashian Barbie and Ariel that morning.

When I lectured Flat Stanley about his philandering ways, he threatened to commit suicide by jumping from my car's visor.  Luckily, I was able to talk him down from the ledge.  In case you are wondering why I took the photo of the suicide attempt, it was to protect me.  I didn't trust that he wouldn't have told people I tried to push him had he survived.

After Flat Stanley calmed down, I agreed that I'd take him to work and school that night to keep him out of trouble.  He made friends with the Travelocity stress gnome at my desk.

After arriving home at 9pm that night, I was exhausted and went right to bed.  I was half way into my dream that included a bottle of champaign, a jacuzzi and Brad Pitt, when I was woken out of a dead sleep by my ringing telephone.  It was Flat Stanley.  He was in jail and needed to be bailed out.  I was his one phone call.  Good thing I answered!  Sure enough, at 4am, I had to drive down to LCCF and bail this fashion challenged shiny man out of jail.  Apparently, he violated the restraining order that Kim Kardashian Barbie put into effect earlier in the day.

When I texted this picture to my cousin, his response was "Since he's flat, you'd think he would figure out that he can fit between the bars. I don't think Stan is the sharpest knife int he drawer."

We all had an exhausting and stressful day, so Flat Stanley decided to chill out with a few drinks at home after work. 

I think he got a bit carried away for a Wednesday night, when he drank through a six pack and wanted to go out and get more.  Flat Stanley caused a pile up on the Cross Valley. He decided to "borrow" Barbie's car for the evening. Come to find out he's driving with a suspended license and is uninsured. Not to mention he wasn't wearing a seatbelt.  I'm not sure how he made it out of this incident without getting arrested.  I think he paid off a cop.

One of my Facebook friends sent me a message saying they spotted Flat Stanley on a poster in the Dallas Shopping center.  Check it out!  This Flat bastard is a bigger celebrity than I am!  At least he cleaned up his image and put on some matching clothes for this picture.

Not only did Flat Stanley's secret celebrity status shock me, but also allowed him to be invited to the funeral of one of the most beloved singers of all time, Whitney Houston.  He decided to stay out of shenanigans on Saturday to attend the somber event.  I even spotted him on TV!

As most of the tacky celebrities did, Flat Stanley live tweeted from the funeral.  Once I texted this picture to him, he posted it on Twitter, and caught the attention of the local media.  They were chomping at the bits to interview someone local with a connection to Whitney Houston.  A few hours later, the local news media showed up at the door looking for an interview.  I really think that the camera subtracts a few feet from Andy Mehalshick when he's seen on TV.  Oh well, I guess this will even out once WBRE converts to HD news casts in April.

There was a news story that the local strip joint was robbed on Sunday morning, Flat Stanley assured me that he had an alibi during the time it happened, however, I'm not so sure if I should believe him.

(BTW – This is supposed to be a picture with a crappily drawn money bag….an artist, I am not)

Flat Stanley went out to meet up with some of his other 2d buddies to play 2d call of duty.  I expected he would be rolling in before 11pm, as it was a Sunday night, and I had to be up for work the next morning, but he never came home.  I happened to go to the Casino 2 days this week to arrange a dinner for some of my visiting co-workers, and look who I found!  My friend Duffy (not the one on Rock 107) labeled this photo best, "Flat Broke Stanley".

That bastard gambled away all of the money he stole from the strip joint his life savings!

I brought Flat Stanley home with me and made him sleep off his hangover and depression.  The next morning he allowed me to take a picture of him at sunrise.  It was his last day with us and I wished him well in his future adventures.  I hope he gets his life on track soon.


THE END.

And now for the serious part.  I obviously didn't use any of these photos in Gabby's school project.  I just thought it would be funny to have a parallel adventure with "Bad Stanley".  The "Good Stanley" does appear in my daughter's school journal and on my Flickr photo feed.  Hope you enjoyed the (fake) adventure with me!

If you want a Flat Stanley of your own to adopt, you can visit http://www.flatstanley.com or download the free app on iPhone by visiting the Apple app store!

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Now Trending on Twitter: #ScrantonMovieTitles & #ScrantonMovieNames

By M Davies   /     Nov 04, 2011  /     Hilarity, NEPA, Twitter  /     0 Comment

Something that really helped me get through the end of this week was the NEPA Twitter community.  Someone decided to start the #ScrantonMovieTitles and #ScrantonMovieNames hash tags (I think it may have been @WFTE_FM) and everyone seemed to feed off of each others Tweets, each title getting crazier than the last.  If you aren't already on Twitter, you are very much missing out on a good time.  A hash tag (identified by the # symbol), by the way, is away of identifying a topic you are talking about on Twitter, so you can easily link to other users talking about the same topic.  You can read more about hash tags and other Twitter basics here

I compiled a list of the Scranton Movies and who Tweeted them for your review.  There is some hilarious stuff in here. 

@WFTE_FM

  • Four Weddings and a Hoagie #scrantonmovienames
  • Crouching Tiger, Hidden Payoffs #scrantonmovienames
  • Anchorman: The Legend of Janet Evans #scrantonmovienames
  • Brokeback Montage Mountain #scrantonmovienames
  • The Lord of the Yuenglings #scrantonmovienames
  • A Clockwork Pieorgi #scrantonmovienames
  • Heyna & Louise #scrantonmovienames
  • Eternal Sunshine of the Sun Hotel #scrantonmovietitles
  • Shaving Ryan's Privates #scrantonmovienames #ohwaitthatmightbeporn
  • The Silence of the Texas Wieners #scrantonmovienames #okstoppingnow

The Boys from Rock 107:

@107Prospector

  • Enter The Dalton #scrantonmovienames #scrantonmovietitles
  • The Prompton Adventure #Scrantonmovienames #scrantonmovietitles
  • Glenburn Can Wait #scrantonmovienames #scrantonmovietitles
  • Berwick BullDOG Day Afternoon #Scrantonmovietitles #scrantonmovienames
  • Last Tango in Plymouth #scantonmovienames #scrantonmovietitles
  • Driving Miss Dalton #Scrantonmovienames #scrantonmovietitles
  • Journey to Center Moreland #scrantonmovietitles #scrantonmovienames
  • MOSCOW on The Hudson #scrantonmovietitles
  • Ransom #scrantonmovietitles
  • Bang the DRUMS Slowly #scrantonmovietitles
  • Nanticoke Born Killers #scrantonmovietitles

@Hoover107

  • Kingston Pin #ScrantonMovieNames
  • The Hanover and The Hanover II #ScrantonMovieNames
  • Honey Pot and and the Sorcerer's Stone #ScrantonMovieNames
  • Sex in Dickson City #ScrantonMovieNames
  • Falls Down #ScrantonMovieNames
  • Exeter-Men Origins: Wolverine #ScrantonMovieNames
  • Freeland Willy #ScrantonMovieNames
  • Sweet Valley Girl #ScrantonMovieNames
  • Mayfield of Dreams #ScrantonMovieNames
  • Last Tango in Avoca #ScrantonMovieNames
  • Warrior Run of The Roses #ScrantonMovieNames
  • Fast Times at Scranton High #ScrantonMovieNames
  • Dumb and Dunmore #ScrantonMovieNames

@Ferg107

  • A Couple Two Tree Days Later #ScrantonMovieNames
  • McGloin's Navy #ScrantonMovieNames #WestScrantonMovieNames
  • Up Da Thin Red Line #ScrantonMovieNames

@DaveD107

  • The Money Pittston #ScrantonMovieNames
  • The Glen Lyon King #ScrantonMovieNames
  • McAdoo About Nothing #ScrantonMovieNames
  • Valley View Of The Dolls #ScrantonMovieNames
  • Starship Throopers #ScrantonMovieNames
  • Jack The Bear Creek #ScrantonMovieNames
  • The Great White Haven Hope #ScrantonMovieNames
  • No Place Like Honesdale #ScrantonMovieNames
  • Golden Eynon #ScrantonMovieNames
  • Hazleton And Confused #ScrantonMovieNames
  • Escape From Witch Mount Pocono #ScrantonMovieNames
  • Star Trek III: The Search For Peckville #ScrantonMovieNames
  • Debbie Does Dallas #ScrantonMovieNames
  • Raiders Of The Lost Archbald #ScrantonMovieNames
  • Susquehanna And Her Sisters #ScrantonMovieNames
  • Tinker Taylor Soldier Spy #ScrantonMovieNames
  • Back Mountain To The Future #ScrantonMovieNames
  • Dickson City Hall #ScrantonMovieNames
  • Another Forty Fort Hours #ScrantonMovieNames
  • The Duryea Hunter #ScrantonMovieNames
  • Star Wars Episode I: The Olyphant-om Menace #ScrantonMovieNames
  • Plains, Trains, and Automobiles #ScrantonMovieNames

WNEP Tweeters:

@MichaelErat

  • Saw 5 or 6 A'dem At Least #scrantonmovietitles
  • The Accidental Coal Mine Tourist #scrantonmovienames #scrantonmovietitles

@DBohmanWNEP

  • Bed time for Bath Salts #scrantonmovienames
  • Damn SWB Yankees #scrantonmovienames
  • Broadcast Newswatch 16 #scrantonmovienames
  • Dial "M" for Moosic #scrantonmovienames

 

@yacuboski
Guess Who's Coming to Angela Park? #scrantonmovietitles
That Championship Polka #scrantonmovienames

@PechaKuchaScran

  • Everhart of Darkness #Scrantonmovienames @EverhartMuseum
  • The Dark Crystal Soda #Scrantonmovienames
  • Mr. Smith Goes to Warshington #Scrantonmovienames
  • Meet Me In St. Stanislaus #Scrantonmovienames
  • Anthracite And The Seven Dwarves #Scrantonmovienames
  • Minookasablanca #Scrantonmovienames
  • "Steamtown," which gave us the immortal line, "It's Steamtown, Jake." #Scrantonmovienames
  • Scrantastic Voyage #Scrantonmovienames
  • North By Northwest Mountain #Scrantonmovienames
  • Keyser Soze Auto Parts #Scrantonmovienames
  • Gertrude Hudson Hawk #Scrantonmovienames
  • Weekend at Bernie's Tavern #Scrantonmovienames

@christiank22

  • Urban (decay) Legend #scrantonmovietitles
  • Forrest Frack #scrantonmovietitles
  • Escape from Lackawanna #scrantonmovietitles
  • To kill a frontend-alignment #scrantonmovietitles
  • Fear and Loathing on Interstate 81 #scrantonmovietitles

@ChrissyK20

  • Once Upon A Time in the Westside #scrantonmovietitles
  • Strangers on a Steamtown Trolley #scrantonmovienames 
  • Or —> Trolleyspotting #scrantonmovienames
  • The Rocky Glen Horror Picture Show #scrantonmovienames

@JavarisTharco

  • #scrantonmovietitles Towamensing Heist!
  • Jurassic Pittston #scrantonmovietitles

@TunkAutoMart

  • Planes..Trains..andTunkAutoMartmobiles #scrantonmovietitles

@mandyboyle

  • Larry the Key Guy: A Mall Walker's Journey #scrantonmovietitles
  • The Closed Bridges of Luzerne County #scrantonmovietitles
  • Pierogi Wars #scrantonmovietitles
  • House on Haunted Hill Section #scrantonmovietitles
  • To Have and To Heyna #scrantonmovietitles
  • The Casey's Speech #scrantonmovietitles
  • Dude, Where's My Tercel? #scrantonmovietitles
  • Journey to the Center of the Eynon #scrantonmovienames
  • The Treasure of the Steamtown Mall #scrantonmovienames
  • Piggies #scrantonmovienames

@RadioShell

  • Who Killed Jessup James #ScrantonMovieNames
  • Clarks Green Mile #scrantonmovienames
  • Forrest City Gump #scrantonmovienames
  • The Kingston Speech #scrantonmovienames

@Kernsie

  • Fried Green Ridge Tomatoes #scrantonmovienames
  • The Olyphant Man #scrantonmovienames
  • West Side Invader Story #scrantonmovienames
  • The Sound Of Moosic #scrantonmovienames
  • No Country For Old Forge Men #scrantonmovienames
  • Keyser Valley P.T.A. #scrantonmovienames
  • Grumpy Old Forge Men #scrantonmovienames

Misc. Other Users…

@EternalNight11
@RowlffDogg
@KyleVonRebar
@MC_Swartzalot
@OHFScratch
@Mare7221
@newportliving
@TheArtimus
@bgfulton

  • Harry Potter and the Scranton Chamber of Commerce #scrantonmovietitles
  • Phantom of the Cultural Center #scrantonmovienames
  • Sleepless on Suscon Road #ScrantonMovieNames
  • Bridget Jones' Duryea. #ScrantonMovieNames
  • An American In Scranton #ScrantonMovieNames
  • OPERATION JESSUP: R3D AL3RT #scrantonmovienames
  • Broke Back Mountain? #ScrantonMovieNames
  • Shamokin Aces #scrantonmovienames
  • Throop Beverly Hills #scrantonmovienames
  • Escape from montage mountain #scrantonmovienames
  • Mayfield of Dreams #scrantonmovienames
  • Outside Providence #scrantonmovienames. (Actually a real movie from 1999)
  • Viewmont Mallrats #scrantonmovienames
  • The Hill Section Has Eyes #scrantonmovienames

And last but not least….me….
@mhryvnak

 

  • Tree Muskateers #scrantonmovienames
  • Pierogie Bear #scrantonmovienames
  • Journey to the Center of the Paczki #scrantonmovietitles
  • You, Me and Jabronie #scrantonmovietitles
  • Raiders of the Lost Ack-a-mee #scrantonmovietitles
  • Slumdog Middleswarth #scrantonmovietitles
  • Gone with the Wimpies #scrantonmovietitles
  • The Turkey Hills have Eyes #scrantonmovietitles
  • Once Upon a Time updaEynon #scrantonmovietitles
  • Crouching Tiger, Hidden Halupkie #scrantonmovietitles
  • Hatchy Milatchy and the Death of the Hollows #scrantonmovietitles
  • The Good, The Bad and the Ciavarella #scrantonmovietitles
  • One Flew Over The Market Street Bridge #scrantonmovietitles
  • Breakfast at Tastykakes #scrantonmovietitles
  • Gertrude Hawk Down #scrantonmovietitles
  • Mocanaqua Teen Hunger Force #scrantonmovietitles
  • School of Rock 107 #scrantonmovietitles
  • Petticoat Noxen #scrantonmovietitles
  • Some Like It Hugo. #scrantonmovietitles
  • A Fish Called Towanda. #scrantonmovietitles
  • Vince Sweeney and the Sundance Kid. #scrantonmovietitles
  • Inglorious Beer Garden #scrantonmovietitles
  • The Stegmaier Redemption #scrantonmovietitles
  • Shendo's List #scrantonmovietitles
  • North by Northwest Area School District. #scrantonmovietitles
  • Pothole Fiction #scrantonmovietitles
  • The Bridge on the Shit Creek Without A Paddle. #scrantonmovietitles
  • It's a Wonderful Loogie #scrantonmovietitles
  • The Piggies in the Blanket of Wrath #scrantonmovietitles
  • The Pirates of the Wyoming Valley #scrantonmovietitles #ripstevejobs
  • Plimmit's Labyrinth #scrantonmovietitles
  • Dial M for Mehalshick #scrantonmovietitles
  • The Wizard of October Blizzards #scrantonmovietitles
  • APal with Benefits #scrantonmovietitles
  • Children of the Korncrest Section of Hanover Township. #scrantonmovietitles
  • Beautiful Luzer(ne county) #scrantonmovietitles
  • Bowling for Conyngham #scrantonmovietitles
  • The Manchurian Coal Miner #scrantonmovietitles
  • Lackawanned Dead or Alive #scrantonmovietitles
  • Walk the Mine #scrantonmovietitles
  • Minsi Python and the Holy Sullivan Trail #scrantonmovietitles
  • Stookey's Revenge #scrantonmovietitles
  • 3 Mile #scrantonmovietitles #youbettaloseyourself
  • Don't Be A Menace to South Centralia While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood #scrantonmovietitles
  • The Hitchhikers Guide to Route 81 #scrantonmovietitles
  • Fast Times at Coughlin High #scrantonmovietitles
  • To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Sidoni #ScrantonMovieTitles
  • V is for Valley View #ScrantonMovieTitles
  • Chicken Dances with Wolves #ScrantonMovieTitles
  • The Name of the Montrose #ScrantonMovieTitles
  • Alice in Freeland #ScrantonMovieTitles
  • Play it again, Skrepenak #ScrantonMovieTitles

God, I have no life. 

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading this!

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