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5 Things I learned about guys while working with guys

By M Davies   /     Jun 25, 2018  /     Hilarity, TV Rants  /     1 Comment

I’ve been working in various technical realms for almost my entire life. With the recent #MeToo movement, I just thought it might be appropriate for me to comment about my experiences about working with the opposite sex. Before I left my job at WNEP, I found out that I was the first and only female engineer that was hired there.  I guess I sort have created my own legacy. The job was intimidating and some days I didn’t know if I was capable of doing it. Working with live TV is kind of scary, because it’s LIVE.  There is no room for fucking up.

All I have learned about broadcasting happened bit by bit through very patient teachers (all of which were male). It’s going to take a while to understand how all of it comes together, but I’m willing to learn and that’s the important part. Not all men in TV roles are evil sexual predators, as the media would have you believe. I think it’s important to know that.

I got the idea for this post on my drive home one night. I mean this post to be respectful, but yet sarcastic. So just pipe the fuck down everyone if you cannot take a joke.

Without further ado, “5 Things I learned about guys while working with guys”:

1.  They don’t notice things.

(Much like my soon-to-be ex)

One day I hacked off 4 inches of hair and dyed it a different color.  No one said a word.  3 days later one of them asked me “Did you cut your hair?”

2.  They are ball busters.

I fell on the ice on my deck pretty badly a few years ago.  I told the guys I work with about it and from then on, every time I walked into the office on a Tuesday morning (I was off on Mondays), one of the first questions out of their mouth is “Hey, do any falling this weekend?”  It cracks me up every time because I am self-admitted clutz.  There should be a support group. Oh wait. There is. SEE PREVIOUS POSTS.

3.  They gossip.

Oh my god!  Worse than women!  If you want to learn anything about anyone, ask any one of the guys I have worked with.  Chances are they already know about it!

4.  They oggle.

It’s just human nature. If there’s a scantily clad woman on a TV show, they stop dead in their tracks and stare. It’s fine and I’m not threatened, but it is entertaining to watch the mouth breathing and drooling. I submit this music video (LISTEN TO THE GODDAMN LYRICS) for your enjoyment. “….Pretty girls, don’t know the things that I know….”

5.  They care.

I’ve been gone from the station and my brothers/dads/friends for a year. I miss them. They miss me. They still tell stories about me and I still tell stories about them. We’re a rag-tag bunch of misfits that were put together for a specific reason at a specific time. We’ve learned a lot from each other, both good and bad. All in all, I wouldn’t trade my time working with them for anything in the world.

 

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Dave Pedri: Fun Ruiner

By M Davies   /     Jun 24, 2018  /     Community Service, Hilarity, Into the Void, Misc/Crap, Rejection, The WTF File  /     0 Comment

I had a blog post all planned out to make fun of Luzerne County roads, but Dave Pedri ruined it for me. THANKS A LOT DAVE PEDRI.

I can’t really complain, I still got what I wanted, but I STILL WILL, because you know that’s how I roll.

 

Allow me to explain….

 

Dave Pedri and I go back all the way back to 2010 when he was in my Leadership Wilkes-Barre class. He’s a cool cat, levelheaded, funny and a good listener. Fast forward 8 years and now he’s the manager of Luzerne County. As in, the. entire. county. I have a love/hate relationship with this county (my home) for a variety of reasons depending on the week and how hangry and/or PMSing I am that particular day. Dave is and has been a good friend and I hope he can see past my bitchiness.

 

My latest bone of contention is Luzerne County’s $5 Vehicle Registration Fee. The fee allegedly will be used fix roads and bridges. Here’s a convenient list of said roads for your review thanks to our local Times Leader newspaper. I’m not sure how or why Luzerne County decided to get into the road management business, but at some point, they did. It was a poor decision. I think, from what I’ve heard and what I’ve read, (I could be wrong) it was because they were offloading the burden of local municipalities. A lot of these roads are in Hanover Township (the industrial park specifically), the back mountain and in Mountain Top/Hazleton areas. Make no mistake, I do not oppose a $5 fee to fix infrastructure, HOWEVER….

 

Luzerne County is a known corruption capitol. Need I mention the names Skrepenak, Conahan, Ciavarella? AHEM. Not the best track record to say the least.

 

That is not to say the Titanic is still headed toward the iceberg. The ship may have been righted, or may be on its way to being righted. However, PennDOT is still taking $.77 of every gallon of gas you pump for infrastructure. Source: http://www.erienewsnow.com/story/37171370/no-gas-tax-hike-scheduled-in-pa-in-2018 

Hell, we are still paying tax on alcohol in this state for the 1936 Johnstown Flood.

 

AT ANY RATE…

 

My original point of this post was because I saw a story on WNEP this week about Domino’s pothole repair plan. In case you didn’t know what this was, or haven’t heard about it, basically Domino’s guarantees that if a customer damages their pizza before they make it home, the company will replace the pizza for free. HOWEVER, now, they’re making sure potholes can’t destroy the pie as well.

I, of course, laughed for about 5 minutes like a crazy person because I vowed that when I got out of the hospital, my first order of business was to go and buy a pizza and start driving around all of the roads that are KNOWN PROBLEMS so that I could get them fixed and get free pizza. I started making a list….here it is:

“Paving for Pizza”

  • Hillside Road (county road)
  • Chase Road (county road)
  • Old 115 (county road)
  • Blackman Street (Wilkes-Barre)
  • Main Road (county road in Sweet Valley)
  • Rte 115 (state road)

This list was dated 6/13/18.

 

On Thursday, June 21st, Mr. David Pedri messaged me with the following information:

Road and bridge crew just got done on hillside road. Reporting to main road sweet valley tomorrow.

 

I drove the road yesterday and today. It’s a magical dream. It’s as smooth as a baby’s bottom.


A few weeks ago, I wrote this little gem:

Main Road in Sweet Valley looks like it’s a road in a third world country. There are less holes in a piece of Swiss Cheese.

On Monday, May 28th, there is a Fireman’s parade in tandem with the annual Memorial Day weekend Fair, which is presented by the Volunteer Ambulance/Fire companies. Here’s a link to the Facebook event:

https://www.facebook.com/events/2071067353161431??ti=ia

The road is still deplorable condition. The parade usually lines up at Ross Elementary and travels down to the area of North Lake Road. As a tax payer and a parent who has to travel that road often for school events, I am CONCERNED about this. We are hosting fire companies/ambulances etc from all over the Back Mountain. It’s embarrassing, but in addition, I’d hate to see another community’s emergency vehicles have a tire or axle taken out due to county negligence. In addition, will the parade of larger vehicles cause more damage to the road?

I called Karen Boback’s Office who referred me to Larry Plesh in the Luzerne County Road Dept. He says there’s a drainage issue that needs to be addressed before the road can be resurfaced. I’m not an idiot, I know there’s a series of events that needs to happen to get things fixed up the correct way. But when you have several businesses, churches, A SCHOOL and the emergency vehicles all on the same road swerving into opposite lanes to avoid potholes, well, someone could die. It’s a major safety concern. Can they not at least PATCH the road until the other issues can be addressed? This is utterly ridiculous.

Is Luzerne County holding our roads hostage until they get their 5 dollars? What is going on here?

If you can shed some light on this matter, it would be appreciated. Thank you!

 

I stand corrected and apologize. Dave Pedri has and continues to shock me with his kindness and ability to listen. I’m not normally a political blogger and HATE HATE HATE talking politics, but the man is doing as good of a job as anyone could do under the circumstances he inherited and for that I am grateful.


 

However, he still ruined the original concept for this blog post and now I’m pissed off that I’m not getting a free pizza.

 

Yo Dave, where’s my Domino’s?

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The Telltailgate Turkey Fryer

By M Davies   /     Nov 24, 2017  /     Hilarity, Pittsburgh  /     3 Comments

I’ve been working in Pittsburgh for about 6 months now. Over the last few months, I’ve come to find that Pittsburgh is a very friendly city. I often find myself in conversations with complete and random strangers. Usually when people learn I was born, raised and live in Northeast PA they react in horror. “Oh god, you’re not a Philly sports fan are you?”

I’m not a Philly sports fan, but I’ve been to several events in Philly – baseball included. I thought since it’s Thanksgiving and everyone is telling cautionary tales about Turkey Fryers, I would tell mine. The Pittsburghers I’ve talked to love this story because they hate Philly.

It was 7/16/05. The Phillies were playing the Florida Marlins. I was attending a tailgate party with my friend Jeff Lamana who was larger than life in personality and size (may he Rest In Peace). 
Jeff ran a popular Philly sports community forum called PhilaPhans.

PhilaPhans was hosting the tailgate on this day to bring the online community together offline for a day of fun. I tagged along because it after 6 months with a colicky baby, I needed a day away with human adult interaction. We even made the Jumbotron (or whatever it is).

The website is still up and running to this day though Jeff died of cancer in 2006. I’ve talked about this in past posts.

Anyway…
I think it was a later game. I can’t remember for sure exactly what time it started. It had to be a 4pm or 7pm start. We started our day out at the Ikea in Conshohocken and ended up in the parking lot of Citizens Bank Park. Jeff had known some of the people from the forums, but not everyone. People started to file in, setup and assemble a cookout near the trees in the front. One by one, we met people from the forums.

There was a grill, coolers and tables being setup. Then some guy arrived with a turkey fryer. Turkey fryers weren’t nearly as popular in the early 2000s as they are now, at least in my opinion.

The guy in the red Phillies shirt is standing in front of where the fryer was setup. If you look closely, you can see he’s opening up a bag of chicken wings. The plan was to deep fry the chicken wings and toss them in hot sauce. Sounds delicious, right? One minuscule problem and minor detail: the wings were still frozen.

I don’t know if this was this man’s first experience with a turkey fryer or if he was just drunk and didn’t care, but let me just tell you, in the 5-10 minutes after this photo was shot, disaster happened. I never got to shoot a picture of it because it was so sudden and shocking. It was one of those fight or flight situations you always hear about. I got the hell out of the vicinity. And quick.

Once red Phillies shirt guy determined the fryer was hot enough, he dropped the wings in. Let me preface this by saying that everyone was drinking and there were no thermometers being used. This wasn’t Alton Brown’s Good Eats by any stretch of the imagination.

A microsecond after the wings hit the hot oil, you can guess what happened next. A huge mushroom cloud fireball shot up out of the deep fryer. There were cars nearby. Cars filled with gasoline. Cars with decent paint jobs. By some miracle, none of them caught on fire or melted. Still a bigger problem: the tree above the fryer. The fireball shot up as high as the tree branches. Then the tree caught on fire. So to recap…here I am, at my first Phillies tailgate ever, and there’s a tree on fire in the parking lot. A security officer or a police officer saw what happened and made their way over. Details are a little sketchy, because this happened over 10 years ago, but I remember thinking “Oh Jesus. Here we go, we haven’t even gotten into the game yet and we’re already getting kicked out.” The fire went out as quickly as it started and the security guard/officer let us get away with a warning to be more careful. *Phew* It ended up drizzling on and off for a little while throughout the afternoon which helped the tree situation, but shut down the fryer situation. I think God was pissed that we burned his tree.

In case you’re wondering, the Phillies ended up winning 10-5 in 9 innings. All in all it was a good day.

…And that my friends is how I almost got ejected from a Phillies tailgate. As I said, the Pittsburghers I meet and talk to get a big kick out of this story because of their vehement hate of Philly sports. The people have spoken, so I have to retell the cautionary tale.

I hope yinz had a happy Thanksgiving. Don’t drink and fry.

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Evidently Chickentown

By M Davies   /     Jul 25, 2014  /     Hilarity, NEPA  /     1 Comment

In the news this week, Northeast PA was rated as the most unhappy place to be in the United States.  I can’t help but to think it’s due to the restrictive rules of raising chickens in these here parts.  In writing this blog post, I found myself asking which came first the chicken or the outrage.

 

Editor:

Have you ever eaten farm fresh chicken eggs? They’re delicious! Eggs in general are a great source of protein and vitamin D and when consumed in moderation do not pose a threat to your cholesterol, but rather help to keep your good cholesterol at a healthy level. Eggs are all-natural and provide one of the highest quality proteins of any food available.

Wouldn’t it be great to just pop on out to the coop and collect a few of these healthy little buggers from your very own chickens? Unfortunately, due to an ordinance that is in need of revision, Luzerne County residents don’t have that privilege. Urban and suburban areas in hundreds of cities allow backyard chickens as part of promoting healthy eating and lifestyle choices. Many see it as being along the same lines as backyard gardening. I say, let them have chickens!

Amber Williams

Wilkes-Barre Township

With the influx in the chicken population you can be darned certain that there will be fowl play.  Just ask the “Chicken Wing Bandit”.

 

Officers said they tried to speak with Cebula, but he appeared highly intoxicated and told them he was “the Chicken Wing Bandit,”

Officials speculate that allowing chickens to roam the streets will cause violent rioting among residents in the region….oh wait….IT’S ALREADY HAPPENING.  RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

 

Scranton police arrested a man and woman Wednesday for fighting on a street corner, though the man implicated a chicken for causing his injuries.

Keep the bloody racket down, this is bloody chickentown.

 

That’s all I have to crow about for the moment.  Enough with the groans, there’s no need to be cocky.

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Odd Google Whacks, August 2012

By M Davies   /     Aug 26, 2012  /     Google Whacks, Hilarity  /     1 Comment

I haven’t done this in a while, but there’s been some strange shit I need to comment on….and that is how people have been Googling for my blog.

 

Search Terms for 30 days ending 2012-08-26 (Summarized)

2012-07-27 to Today

(Search Term / Google Whacks #)

 

Barbies Baby / Barbie with Baby / Barbies of Wyoming / Drunk Barbie / Barbie’s Baby / Barbie Baby / Barbie ve Ken / Barbie Having A Baby / NEPA Barbies / NEPA Barbie / Dallas Barbies / Gangsta Barbie = 30

I have a post from 2007 that answers all of your questions about Barbie and Northeast PA – http://www.mhryvnak.net/blog/?p=17

 

encrypted_search_terms = 28

I was intrigued about what this actually meant.  Is the FBI and Secret Service after me?  No, it’s a WordPress thing..  Read this article:  http://en.forums.wordpress.com/topic/what-is-encrypted_search_terms-in-top-searches

 

What Does Exclamation Mark On Dashboard = 4

It means that shit is about to blow up any minute.  Kidding.  I don’t know what it means.  For me, it meant that my tire pressure was low.  I would recommend contacting a mechanic or Googling your specific car model to figure out what’s going on.

 

George Gumpert = 4

Don’t let good friends slip through your fingers.

 

WNEP Pocono Newsroom = 3

I don’t work there, but I hear it’s a lovely place.

 

Shitty Harriet Carter Type Shoes = 3

Invest your money in a pair of Nikes or Reeboks.

 

Wacky Wednesday Hot Dog Pictures = 2

I hate hot dogs, if you landed here looking for them, click your back button.  You will not find any lips and assholes on this blog.

 

I traded in my car for a golf cart = 2

Hopefully, you are referring to a Fiat and not an actual Go-Cart.

 

Santa Thong = 1

Wild thing, I think I love you.

 

www.harrietcarter.com/sextoys = 1

Um……….

 

Jeff Lamana = 1

Dear friend, read more about him here:  http://www.probaseballcentral.com/remembering-jeff/

 

 

To wrap up this post, if you are looking for sex toys or dead people.  According to Google, you’ve reached the right place.

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Biggest Harriet Carter WTFs

By M Davies   /     Jul 15, 2012  /     Hilarity, The WTF File  /     2 Comments

Someone sick person in my extended family thinks its fun to sign me up for catalogs in their spare time.  I’m not sure who exactly it is, but I have a pretty good idea.  Well, I’m pretty sure it’s my family anyway.  It could be an angry neighbor who enjoys watching me flip out when I open my mailbox.  Make no mistake about it, when I find out who the perpetrator is, they will be signed up for every catalog known to man and subscribed to the Nickelback email list to boot.

 

Some of the catalogs I have recently received include:

 

  • Allergic Living
  • Finger Hut (the equivalent of layaway, but in catalog form)
  • Lands End
  • Collections Etc.
  • One Step Ahead (I don’t plan on having any more babies, thankyouverymuch!)
  • Cabellas
  • The Pyramid Collection
  • Oriental Trading
  • Quadratec
  • Crutchfield
  • Harriet Carter

 

I’m sure there are more that I’m missing, but I usually burn them or toss them in the trash as soon as I receive them.  I rarely (if ever) order from catalogs.  I do not trust blindly ordering clothes or shoes without trying them on first and if I wanted to order anything bad enough, I’d go online.  Getting 2-3 catalogs a week gets old really fast and seems wasteful.

 

After arriving home from work on Saturday morning, I walked to the end of my road to get the mail and of course there was a wonderful catalog waiting for me.  <sarcasm>  Yay!  </sarcasm>  Harriet Carter “wanted me to get a first look at her new and exciting gift possibilities”.  Her words, not mine.  Ok, I’ll play along.  It had been a while since I received a Harriet Carter catalog anyway.  I thought she lost my scent when I moved from Hanover Township to Sweet Valley and stopped sending the catalogs, but I was wrong.  That bitch has us all microchipped.

 

Before I go any further, I have to ask, WHO BUYS THIS JUNK?  You can buy any of this crap in your local Wal-Mart or in the “As Seen On TV” section of Boscovs, so why would you buy it from a catalog?  I wouldn’t buy it from here, I would not buy from there.  I would not buy this junk from anywhere, Sam I Am.

 

Harriet Carter is a pervert.  This much I can tell you.  She likes big butts and she cannot lie, you other catalog shoppers can’t deny.  How do I know?  See below.  Side note:  Why do they both have to break wind?  I have enough hot air flying around in my house, I don’t need any more.

 

       

 

Looking at plastic asses is considered a sin in God’s eyes.  Lucky for us, Harriet Carter has already thought about this.  All God fearing Christians can repent their sins by purchasing the below books and reading a few scriptures.

 

    

 

Because I suspect you are classier than the average catalog shopper, you’ll want to protect your Bible book assets.  Might I recommend a personalized leather carrying case?  Not just any leather…GENUINE LEATHER.  That makes all of the difference.  Your initials can be engraved right on the front.

 

 

So you are an avid reader, huh?  I recommend these choice selections.  They would make a wonderful addition to your home library.

 

    

 

You are going to need to read the Secrets of People Who Never Get Sick before the Biggest Ever Bathroom Reader because you’ll find that the people who never get sick are the ones that don’t read in the bathroom.

 

Also, for those technology challenged people….

 

 

If you need a 400 page book to tell you how to operate a computer, you probably should just probably just quit while you are ahead.  This thing will confuse you more then help.  The best way to learn a computer is by trial and error hands-on, NOT by reading a book.

 

 

My brain asplode.  Is not the point of typing on a keyboard to do it without looking?  HARRIET CARTER, YOU ARE AN ENABLER!

 

 

Harriet Carter must be a mind reader because I was just thinking to myself the other day “Self, I really have the need for a pocket notepad with pen included.  No, I don’t want to go to the dollar or grocery store to get it either.  Screw modern convenience, I can wait the 4-6 weeks to get one in the mail!  Bonus:  $7.98 is a steal and I can get it in pink.”

 

 

I cannot wait until the Urine Gone people come out with “Blood Stain Gone!” (Muderers Edition) and “Vomit Gone!” (Anorexic Edition).  Hell, while they are at at it, maybe they can also come up with “Stupid Person Gone!”, “Extended Family Holiday Dinner Earplugs!” and “Nickelback Music Video Eyebleach!” as well.

 

 

Who hasn’t wanted to talk around in the nude from the waist down in plain sight of neighbors?  Well NOW YOU CAN with this handy dandy privacy net.

 

 

Too cheap to afford a screen door?  WE HAVE THE SOLUTION FOR YOU.  Just duct tape this chicken wire to the outside of your trailer door, and you can keep the bugs out of your living room/bedroom/kitchen.  Note:  Marisa Burke 1980s doppelganger not included.

 

 

Chicken wire too white-trashy for you?  You must know good taste when you see it.  Turn your living room/bedroom/kitchen into an oasis with this life size fake scenery blanket.  If you hang it up at just the right angle, you’ll forget all about Cletus and BillyBob using your backyard for a makeshift shooting range.

 

     

 

For those that are too lazy to shower daily, never heard of a Q-Tip, and are too oblivious to care about how stupid they look.

 

 

VCRs take up so much room, and you know me and my VHS tapes.  I can’t get enough of them.  When I seen this picture, I had to hop on the opportunity to buy one.  I just wish they made a model that would fit my Laserdisc reader, VHS rewinder and Betamax all in one unit.  DVDs, schmeevds. Although it isn’t mentioned, I secretly hope that TV comes with the stand.

 

 

In the rare occassion that I eat a hot dog (read:  never), I like to imagine that I’m not eating a hot dog.  Everything but the kitchen sink is in one which grosses me the hell out.  I don’t need a hot dog slicer in the shape of a dog to remind me that there may be dog in this mystery meat too.

 

 

Feeling down on your luck?  A lucky lotto scratcher may just be what the doctor ordered.  Now you can piss your life savings away buying scratch off lotto tickets without getting those annoying silver flecks all over your hands.

 

One thing is for sure folks, the people who buy from the Harriet Carter catalog are very paranoid about security, and who can blame them?  When buying a load of invaluable junk, you’ll want to secure it.  You wouldn’t want your jealous friends trying to steal it away.  I recommend these two items to help you out.

 

    

 

Incidentally, if I suspect that you are shopping from the Harriet Carter catalog, I’m going to check to see if the camera is real before looting your closet.

 

Seriously.  If you buy this crap, we can’t be friends.  Any more.

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