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Seroquil Soliloquoy

By M Davies   /     Jul 03, 2018  /     Into the Void, Misc/Crap  /     3 Comments

10 days of being voluntarily committed, a polarizing blog post by Michelle Davies, written on 6/29/18.

 

WHAT I LEARNED…

 

After 10 days of nonstop advocating for myself as well as my life and affairs — I learned to start paying it forward.

I mean, I really always did that, but it was radiated and magnified because of my elevated mood. And before you start getting thoughts in your head – no drugs were involved. Just caffeine and cigarettes, which now seem to be my only 2 remaining vices. Also, a GNC woman’s multi-vitamin (if that counts).

Sometimes all it takes is a little love, some guts, dreaming and creativity to put the important things back into focus.

Here are my takeaways:

  • I’m happy for the first time in EVER and I’m actually learning to smile and joke and love myself again. I remember who I am, who I always was. I missed me.
  • I woke up with the sun.
  • I stayed up late (NOT IN THE SAME DAY, PIPE THE FUCK DOWN)
  • I didn’t ask for permission.
  • I was polite.
  • I had manners (albeit a filthy mouth and mind).
  • I realized I raised terrific, well-adjusted children to which I am proud of. Each in their own unique way.
  • I cleaned, cooked, bathed, watched tv, shopped and cared for 2 children and a needy cat alone.
  • I protected them and love them alone.
  • I learned (which I always knew) that it’s sometimes helpful to rely on the help of others.
  • Talk therapy does help, even if its with your best friend or your favorite notebook and writing utensil.

All any of these took was nearly dying to realize I was never really living. I’m only 37. This is time for a new beginning. I am no longer afraid. I found my joy.

I thank my angels for watching over me: Christy Elston, George Gumpert, Jeff Lamana, Both of my Grandparents, My Aunt Sue, Frank Murgalis, Felicia Thomas, Jennifer Barzilowski and lastly, Justin Hossage.

I close this chapter on the last 14 years of my life, and look forward to the next 14 and beyond. It’s a great day to be ALIVE.

Also, this is NOT a suicide note, so just pipe the fuck down. I still carry George’s PV ID card around in my wallet as a constant reminder of what suicide does to families. Here’s the proof:

Peace.

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