This is a continuation of the journal that I kept while I was involuntarily held in a mental hospital on a 302 and later a 303. If you’d like to read the first part of the journey to get the hell out of the hospital, check out part 1, located here and part 2 located here. This is the third and final part in the series.
Sun. 6/17/18 8pm
Dee came to visit me today. That visiting hour passed rather quickly. I was rather relieved that my Mother didn’t come to see me. She sometimes gets on my last nerve even though I know she means well. Harold was attending a book reading and my Mom/Dad/Russell all went for pizza for Father’s Day.
Some good news though, I am leaving tomorrow. Hopefully by 1pm, I’ll be out of here. I can’t wait to shower and get a pedicure and shave. REDACTED NAME leaves Tuesday! Yay! Good for him! Maybe our paths will cross sooner rather than later *wink wink nudge nudge*. From my ride home, I will pick up my car and clothes and laptop from Swa Va. I have my Fiat ready to go to my Mom’s then Tuesday I meet with my lawyer to start divorce proceedings. Then I sail back to Sax for a few days to collect some belongings and pay my $10 library fine.
My goal is to finish this book before I leave tomorrow – 20 pages left. What a goal! Let’s hope it comes true!
Blank Space – Write your Name
Some quotes and shit:
- “You are wonderful”
- “Anything is possible”
- “Don’t forget that you’re human. It’s ok to have a meltdown. Just don’t unpack and live there. Cry it out and then refocus on where you’re headed.”
- *Did you know — in the average lifetime, a person will walk the equivalent of 5 times around the equator
- *Did you know — in an average lifetime, you will swallow 5 spiders, but why stop there, TREAT YOURSELF
- Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time — Thomas Alva Edison
- When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it. — Henry Ford
- You are enough…you are stronger than you think you are — Me
- “Whiners go home early” – Tim Dahlberg (it was a headline in the TL that made me laugh out loud)
Messages on Graduation Caps & Gowns in the Newspaper:
- Do beautiful things with your beautiful life
- The best is yet to come
- Bloom where you are planted
- Expect something incredible
- Already forgot everything
Mon. 6/18 5am
Weather: Partly Sunny, Hot/Humid, Passing showers later
TODAY IS THE DAY!
I’m coming home! Lots of stuff to do to get myself back on the grid, but I am not worried at all. I feel energized!
REDACTED NAME seems happy that I get to leave today for some reason…
I wonder why…
Such a sweet boy, love him to death.
Reminds me of that song by Iggy Azalea – Black Widow. That’s probably a poor comparison. But it’s like every song I hear suddenly triggers my memory of something that we’ve talked about or have done in our personal lives. Is that weird? Probably, but no one said I was normal ever. I heard Journey playing in the halls yesterday as we did laps and that song also reminds me of him. He keeps saying he never wants his heart broken again – I won’t – because mutually, I don’t want my heart broken either.
There needs to be trust and open communication by both parties for this to work. I think that’s why both of our marriages are or have failed in the first place. I’m willing to give love another shot. It terrifies me, but in a good way? Which probably makes no sense.
I usually trust no one at first. They have to earn my respect and trust.
My friend Steve told me that’s no way to live life. Trust everyone until they give you a reason NOT to trust them. That’s easier said than done when you’ve been fucked over as many times as I have. All I can do is try.
11 pages to go. We’re in the home stretch. More later…
Mon. 6/17/18 6am
I though more about past relationships and other than CJ and George (RIP), I’ve been fucked over in every relationship that I’ve ever been in. I have no reason to be nasty to anyone else. I have enough hurt for 2 people.
Note: My pencil is sharpened now, LOL. Still no pen.
Anyway, I was catfished, cheated on, abused, dumped the day after my Grandmother died, and head games galore. Lots of painful memories that I don’t wish to recreate EVER. I don’t want to do it and I don’t want it done to me. Period.
I am ready to go (in the words of Republica)
*(drawing of the 16 logo and lyrics to the open)*
*1234 Feist Lyrics Collage*
Mon. 6/18/18 11:45am
Things I missed and am grateful for:
- My family
- My phone
- My concealer
- My Friends
- My Car
- Freshly Cut Grass
- My Flat Iron
- Real Food
- Shaving My Legs/Arm Pits
- Sunrises & Sunsets
- My MUSIC
My husband put me here because afraid of me, but then told my doctor that he wasn’t afraid of me. I lost ten precious days with my children because of this. I, however, met an amazing guy who helped me cope with “the looney bin.” That says a mouthful, doesn’t it?
Pretty soon, I will have my life back in order and I cannot wait.
This experience has been an important one. I feel strong when I was weak. I feel weak where I was strong. Call it yin and yang.
I am finally at peace and I have joy in my heart. I WILL be okay. I cannot wait to go back on the grid.
This is my ending, however god (or whatever supreme being you believe in) doesn’t close a door without opening a window.
The window is open and I can feel the breeze, smell the freshly cut grass and feel the warmth. The future is promising. I can’t wait!
Four ending thoughts:
- (And I’ve said this before) Don’t fuck with an #AMNewser. Not now. Not ever.
- You can’t out soprano a soprano.
- Stitches get snitches.
- ALL OF THIS HAPPENED BECAUSE OF DMX LYRICS.
(or is it …. ?)
Thanks for listening!