I stole this idea from Stephanie, who stole it from someone, who stole it from someone else and so on….
Along the lines of this being National Novel Writing Month (NanoWrimo for short), it is a blog post every day for the entire month of November. Each post will have a theme, or "a truth" about me. I figured this may get me ramped up to start doing regular posts again, provided I can keep up with everything. Right now my life is extremely busy and complicated and finding any time to myself is a challenge.
The title of today's truth is: Day 1 :: Something you hate about yourself
There are a lot of things I hate about myself, both physically and mentally.
Physically: I have ugly feet, my teeth are crooked, my hair is frizzy, I'm too fat, I have a double chin, my skin is unpredictible, I sweat too much, I'm self conscience about EVERYTHING. And that's just the short list. If I sat here and really thought about it, I could come up with a hundred word essay, double spaced and alphabetized. They say true beauty is on the inside and physical features are temporary and looks can fade away, but let's face it folks, what woman is NOT worried about the way she looks. Deep down every woman has at least one thing that makes them very paranoid about their physical features. I hate the way that I obsess about these skin-deep things, when there are people out there that have much worse problems than me.
Mentally: I hate that I have expectations that no reasonable human could ever live up to. I hate that I have extreme OCD tendencies. I worry that everyone hates me and makes fun of me behind my back. Was that really a compliment, or was it a back handed one? I fear that I'm a terrible mother, and my kids will resent me when they are old. I hate the way my brain works in this never ending cycle of depressing thoughts and that I can't ever trully be happy or at ease.
I've been trying to do things that help me get my mind off of all of this crap over the past year. I've donated a lot of time and resources to charities and I find that it relaxes me. There are people out there that always have it worse than yourself, and seeing it first hand really puts a lot of things into perspective. Gee, maybe what I stress out about isn't that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things when say….you don't have a house to live in or food to eat. The truth is that I was so narrow-sighted that I never really thought about much else other than myself and my problems until I entered into the Leadership Wilkes-Barre program at the end of 2009. I graduated from this program in June of 2010 and now I feel totally re-energized to get back into the community that I live in and lend a helping hand where needed.
Kind of unrelated but, I really hate being labeled. Yes. It is true that my parents raised me and my brother, for the most part, in the Poconos. Yes. The Poconos. Home of the champagne glass tower bathtubs. It does NOT mean we were rich. Most months my parents just barely scraped by. I don't know why that bothers me so much, but it does. It probably has something to do with my husband calling me a "Poconos Princess" during a fight once and I was ready to break out my right upper-cut.
For that, I must also mention that I hate my temper. I think I inherrited that from my Dad.