Someone posted this on fark.com on a Tax Rebate thread and I just about spit my drink out of my mouth. Too funny. So now, I must share it with you (note: I did not write this, but *golf clap* to the genius that did) FAQs about the upcoming tax rebates….
Cliff notes version for the ADD crowd:
Q: How much will I get?
A: $600 for singles or couples filing separately in 2007. Tack on $300/ea for crotchfruit. No, they’re STILL not worth it. If you and your whore wife file together you’ll get $1200, but good luck spending that money without a divorce-inducing argument.
Q: What if I make over $75k?
A: You can still get a rebate. Take the amount you make over 75k and multiply it by .05.. Subtract this from $600. If the result is negative you don’t get a check. Basically if you make between 75k and 87k you can get a partial rebate. Everyone else can go cry in their hummers.
Q: But, I’m married and make over 150k
A: Cry to Trevor about it on the 16th green, douchenozzle
Q: But, don’t I have to pay it back on my 2008 taxes?
A: No, the rebate is technically an advance on a credit you will receive on your 08 taxes. George loves you, you’re welcome.
Q: Doesn’t this mean my children or children’s children are paying for this rebate?
A: No. The U.S. government will collapse long before then. Quit whining and spend your money.
Q: Can I spend my money on hookers and blow?
A: Not legally. Welcome to the land of the free. Have some nice cigarettes and prozac instead.