Monthly Archives March 2005

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More NEPA related entries.

By M Davies   /     Mar 30, 2005  /     NEPA, The Pre-Dooce File  /     0 Comment

You know you are from Wilkes-Barre if:

  • you have a contest with your neighbor over who can grow the first ripe tomato
  • one of the most important facts about a person is if he/she goes to Coughlin, GAR, Meyers, or Hoban
  • potholes are a part of life
  • Miami is a club- not a city in Florida
  • you know that the Square is actually a Circle
  • when going on a road trip, you opt for Martz over Greyhound
  • Boscov's is considered a special treat -you cruise the Ave for entertainment
  • you've been to the Arena
  • when you need to buy clothes, the Wyoming Valley Mall is the only place to go
  • you know never to go into the McDonalds on the Square
  • you know Knobel's is the best amusement park in the world
  • the Poconos is the only place for outlet shopping
  • you've been to Metropolis
  • snow days have a special place in your heart
  • you know what Orloski's is
  • you've spent many hours at Rodano's after school
  • Wegman's is much much more than just a twenty four hour grocery store (especially at 3 am!)
  • the mayor actually gives the girl's basketball team from Hoban a parade when they LOSE
  • mall rats take on a whole new meaning -you graduated from high school (or will graduate) at the Kirby Center
  • Interstate 81 is the only one that matters
  • the only places in Scranton you know are the Steamtown Mall and Tink's
  • school closings due to snow take the radio stations a half an hour to finish, because just about every section of the area has its own school district.
  • you know now that Yuengling is pronounced "Ying-ling," and believe that it really is a premium beer.
  • you know that Wilkes-Barre is pronounced "Wilks Berry."
  • you can pronounce "Knoebels."
  • you can pronounce (or spell) "Schuylkill."
  • you have been to 5 (or more) bazaars in one summer
  • you know what halupki, halushki, or kielbasi are
  • you know what the tubs are
  • you know that Park Ave is actually in the heart of the crack neighborhood (ha ha)
  • you know where at least 5 catholic churches are
  • you know what a Turkey Hill is
  • you can't believe people dont have Long John Silvers (really!!)
  • the seven main food groups are McDonalds, Burger King, Wendy's, Taco Bell, Pizza Hut, Kentucky Fried Chicken, and Long John Silver's
  • you know someone who works and/or has worked in each of these places
  • you know never, EVER to go to Arby's in Kingston
  • you also know never, EVER to swim in the Susquehanna River
  • you get pissed at anyone who doesn't know how to drive in the snow
  • the only place to watch fireworks on the Fourth of July is Kirby Park
  • you went to Skate Away when you were younger (or still do) 🙂
  • you know each area of the city has a special name: i.e. Parsons, Downtown, the Heights, South Wilkes-Barre, North End
  • you've been to a Red Barons baseball game
  • you miss Insalacos
  • you've played in the park at 11 pm (and know which park has the big red turtle) *mayflower hehe*
  • Denny's is the only place open to eat after 1 am
  • your big school trips were either to Philly, New York, or DC
  • you've also been to Frances Slocum
  • you can't imagine living in an area without mountains
  • you know people who go to Wilkes and Kings
  • you know the best way to get through to Plains is through the coal fields
  • you've gone drinking at either place
  • you know who Joanne Curley is
  • you know that Noxen is the town of incest (and sheep!)
  • garage sales are the bomb
  • funnel cakes and potato pancakes are part of your summer diet
  • Dallas is not in Texas
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Ok Wilkes-Barre

By M Davies   /     Mar 30, 2005  /     NEPA, The Pre-Dooce File  /     0 Comment

I know I have been saying a lot of nice stuff about you lately, but I am going to take that hat off to bitch about something for a minute:


I am sick of driving through the Jewelcor parking lot everyday!!!! Someone will probably say that I could take Penn Ave instead of the Boulevard, but then my rebuttal to that is…..HOBAN TRAFFIC. South Washington St? No….COUGHLIN TRAFFIC. The only fast road that leaves me with is the boulevard (driving through Jewelcor), South Main (too many stop lights) or River Street (too far down) or South Franklin Street (one way).

Who designed this city anyway!!!

Oh and by the way, I am adding Wood Street to my Wilkes-Barre paving wishlist. There are HUGE craters in. Like someone started digging up the road for a utility company, but never bothered to go back and fix what they dug up. Argghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

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Spam Poetry

By M Davies   /     Mar 29, 2005  /     Misc/Crap, The Pre-Dooce File  /     0 Comment

I think I'm going to start a new section of this website called "spam poetry". Here's a gem I just received:

again teach

suddenly young

drew money

evening profession

happened similar





If you can decipher what they are trying to sell, I'll give you a cookie. How do they seriously expect you to buy what they are selling if you don't understand what the hell it is? Is this some new marketing concept that I'm not aware of? If so, please let me in on the secret.

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Coming to a Pocono Record Near You…..

By M Davies   /     Mar 26, 2005  /     Mommyhood, The Pre-Dooce File  /     0 Comment

The following letter to the editor:

Subject: Thank you (please publish)

This letter is addressed to those that helped me in Brodheadsville on the early morning hours of Wednesday February 9th 2005. My name is Michelle Hryvnak-Davies and I am suffering from depression. I did not know this until a few weeks ago, but I am now getting the proper help for it. On the early morning hours of February 9th, the depression got to be too much for me and I drove around the Pocono area and ended up stopping at Rite Aide Pharmacy in Brodheadsville and the McDonalds also in Brodheadsville. At both places, I was treated very kindly and I just want to say thank you all (you know who you are) for all of your help that night. There was a young man that works at Rite Aide and helped me out a great deal that night. I do not know his name, but if by chance he is reading this…I just wanted to say thank you from the bottom of my heart. In today's hustle and bustle corporate america business world you often forget how kind hearted people can be. It is refreshing to know that good people still exist in this world.

I also want to take a moment to also thank whoever helped me and my Mom out a few years ago in Kinsleys. I can't remember the exact date or time, but it was during the summer around the year of 1997. I was standing in the express checkout line with my Mom and fainted for seemingly no reason. All of the employees that worked that day did nothing but help me and my Mom in our time of need. Some kind soul ended up paying for my Mom's groceries as well. If this person is reading this letter, please accept this as my personal thank you. I don't know who you are, but you deserve a pair of wings because you are an angel. I am sorry I have not tried to seek you out sooner. Once I retire, I will move back to the Poconos. The kindness and warmth is unmatched anywhere else in the state of Pennsylvania.

Thank you again!

Michelle Hryvnak-Davies

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By M Davies   /     Mar 26, 2005  /     Misc/Crap, The Pre-Dooce File  /     0 Comment

I was just at the following 2 websites:

Florida Governor Jeb Bush (Claims that he won't run in 2008.) That's right. He better not run otherwise he'll be running over my dead body…..and Terry Schiavo's as well. A successful president cares about the smallest person, the smallest problem, the most insignificant detail. It may be a tiring job, but look at how many people live in this country. This isn't the Vatican City last time I checked. NO MORE BUSH'S IN POLITICS! GO BACK TO A LONESTAR STEAKHOUSE WHERE YOU BELONG.

….And if you want to tear my life apart for making this comment, go ahead I dare you. I fear nothing. I have already been through hell and back and lived to tell about it.

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